Grief

My life has not been the same after amma's passing in December. I miss her and my everyday moments with her. Our morning coffee, jokes, lunch and dinner are no longer part of my life. The dining table where we would have most of our conversations is now just a table. Her room was adjacent to the dining table. I stare at the emptiness. I wish the empty room good morning and good night. I call out 'amma' many times a day. I want to talk to her, share gossip, but she isn't around. I run away to office. I don't want to stay at home. I wish she had lived a few more years. At the same time I know that she was physically exhausted with asthma and osteoporosis. The calcium deficiency had bent her body considerably and she was in a lot of pain. She was afraid that she might fall and bedridden. She would often quote this poem by Kalamega pulavar.

"முக்காலுக் கேகாமுன் முன்னரையில் வீழாமுன்

அக்கா லரைக்கண் டஞ்சாமுன் –விக்கி

இருமாமுன் மாகாணிக் கேகாமுன் கச்சி

எருமாவின் கீழரை யின் றோது" I have no idea how the years ahead will be without her. Mothers teach us everything except how to live without them.

02Nov25

If there is one thing you should learn in life, it is this- Not everyone will appreciate the milestones you acheived or laurels you won. People measure you against themselves. If you are an equal or a notch lower than their achievements, they will be your friends. If you are better, they will still be your friend, but will tell others that all that you don't deserve all that you achieved. You either got it by fluke, influence or undue means. Especially if you are a woman. So, keep your head above all this. Be brave.

15Oct25

Saw this tiny pretty moth on the Dracaena plant. It is as big as a finger nail and very pretty. I googled to find that it is called Agrotera Basinotata. It is a common moth found in India apparently and feeds on the laggerstroemia species, like the Pride of India tree. I also found it on the Moths of India website. Here is the link, https://www.mothsofindia.org/agrotera-basinotata. Another moth that I spotted was in the front yard, on the floor

It looks like Zale Lunata, says google. I am not sure. Identifying moths is tricky. They have very intricate patterns on their wings, that one has to look at them closely. Even altering the image in a photo app, will chnage the light falling on the patterns which will skew the identity as well. I am not very sure of this one. Will update if I think it is wrong. Ciao.