Grief

My life has not been the same after amma's passing in December. I miss her and my everyday moments with her. Our morning coffee, jokes, lunch and dinner are no longer part of my life. The dining table where we would have most of our conversations is now just a table. Her room was adjacent to the dining table. I stare at the emptiness. I wish the empty room good morning and good night. I call out 'amma' many times a day. I want to talk to her, share gossip, but she isn't around. I run away to office. I don't want to stay at home. I wish she had lived a few more years. At the same time I know that she was physically exhausted with asthma and osteoporosis. The calcium deficiency had bent her body considerably and she was in a lot of pain. She was afraid that she might fall and bedridden. She would often quote this poem by Kalamega pulavar.

"முக்காலுக் கேகாமுன் முன்னரையில் வீழாமுன்

அக்கா லரைக்கண் டஞ்சாமுன் –விக்கி

இருமாமுன் மாகாணிக் கேகாமுன் கச்சி

எருமாவின் கீழரை யின் றோது" I have no idea how the years ahead will be without her. Mothers teach us everything except how to live without them.